


It's all because of you.

by MiraclesAndObstacles



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-09-23 12:43:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9657941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiraclesAndObstacles/pseuds/MiraclesAndObstacles
Summary: The one where Christian is a music student who becomes addicted to gingerbread spiced latte.(Yup, definitely the latte and not the barista.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back with a new story about my Dortmund cuties.  
> Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.
> 
> Have a nice day. x

Christian squints up at the sky, the sun high and bright in the wide expanse of blue. Despite the rays cutting through the barren branches and licking at his skin, it does little to fight away the chill in his bones.

It seems almost like a cruel form of mockery: a sunny day in the middle of winter.

 

Christian tugs the beanie on his head a little bit lower and curls his hands tight inside the sleeves of his jacket, as he makes his way down the steps.

 

The wind tickles his cheeks and bites at his nose, and he’s pretty sure both are a bright pink by now. Still, he tries not to think of the harsh winter cold.

Instead, he thinks about warmth.

 

He thinks about a warm beach with warm sand and a warm sun beating on his back.

He thinks about writing the Dean a very strongly worded letter about closing down the Arts and Humanities Library for renovations. Sure all the books and sources he could need are being stored and readily available at the main campus library. And sure the Peterson Library is big and quite nice on the inside. But the trek all the way across campus is definitively not nice.

 

He’s only half way there when the cold begins to nip through the cotton of his gloves, leaving tingles scattering up and down his fingers, a chill already shivering its way down his spine. Christian lets out a sigh, the puff of his breath swirling and dissipating in front of him.

 

Christian turns the corner around the engineering building, and finally, the Peterson library comes into sight, but his eyes fall on the Campus Café attached to the building.

A little chalkboard sign out front has colourful gingerbread and candy canes drawn on it, and suddenly, Christian is thinking about warmth again. He makes a beeline for the door, a little bell giving a cheerful jingle above him.

 

The first thing that hits Christian is the smell of coffee and pastries. It’s warm, though, and Christian is grateful for that. The inside is small, but quaint.

There are a few small tables lined along the windows, particles of dust dancing above them in the sunlight bleeding in. On the other side of the café, a few sofas and armchairs are arranged around a coffee table.

A few students are lounging there, most with ear buds in and books poised in their laps.

 

Another shiver wracks its way through his body, and Christian makes his way towards the counter. He fumbles his wallet from his pocket; his fingers still a bit numb from the biting cold outside and stifles a cough into his elbow.

He’s just brushing his hair away from his eyes when a bright voice draws his attention.

 

“Hi! Welcome to Campus Café. What can I get for you?”

 

Christian looks up only to find the voice is attached to the most beautiful boy he’s ever seen.

 

Blond hair lays in a soft fringe over golden skin, a few strands tousled near the back of his head.

His eyes are a piercing blue that reminds Christian of the crystal sky that always follows a storm.

Long, dark lashes that kiss his cheeks with every blink ring those eyes.

His cheeks, themselves, are sharp and defined, leading down to a strong jaw sprinkled with stubble.

 

Christian’s eyes continue their downward trek before landing on a nametag, brightly declaring: FELIX.

 

It seems such a fitting name, and Christian wants to test it out, to feel it roll past his lips. His eyes travel back up to Felix’s face and he notices one poised eyebrow is raised expectantly.

Christian can already feel an embarrassed flush creeping up his neck to his ears.

 

He opens his mouth, but he seems to have swallowed his tongue and all that comes out is: “Ummm…”

 

The right side of Felix’s lip quirks up.

 

“Sorry, we don’t serve um here. How about a gingerbread spiced latte instead? They’re a personal favourite.”

 

Somehow, Christian finds it in himself to nod.

It’s like he’s on autopilot as he pulls out the cash from his wallet and hands it over to Felix. Once Felix has given him the change and receipt, he grabs a cup and a sharpie, his expectant eyes once again falling on Christian.

 

“How about a name?”

 

Christian is determined to get his cool back. Determined to turn on the charm and give Felix his name, throw in a cheeky grin. Maybe even get brave and give his number instead.

But his brain and mouth clearly aren’t on the same page. His lips fall open in a sluggish manner, his tongue feeling heavy.

 

“Uh…”

 

“’Uh’ it is,” Felix says, scribbling on the cup before turning and walking away.

 

Christian can feel burning heat pooling in his cheeks, and he keeps his head down as he shuffles to the other end of the counter to wait for his drink.

He stuffs his hands in his pockets and once again finds his eyes glued to Felix.

His heads bops along to the soft music playing on the speakers, his hips swaying ever so slightly to the beat as he prepares the drink.

 

Christian bites his lip around a smile and forces his eyes to the ground. He’s so focused on keeping his mind clear; he doesn’t even notice the sound of the coffee machine cutting out.

 

“Gingerbread spiced latte for ‘uh’!” a bright voice chirps.

 

The heat is back again, swallowing Christian’s whole face and burning his ears.

He can also feel that sinking embarrassing feeling clawing its way from his stomach to his throat.

A cursory glance around shows a few pairs of eyes are now pinned to him, and Christian has to clear his throat before stepping forward to accept his drink.

 

“Come again soon!” Felix says, throwing in a wink.

 

\- - -

When Christian gets out of class, he can’t help but run a hand through his hair and down his face, exhaustion settling heavy in his bones.

He hadn’t slept particularly well last night thanks to the fellow students on his floor preferring mid-week drinking, and his professor’s droning lecture had done little to perk up his brain.

 

His feet shuffle across the quad, and he doesn’t even realise where he’s going until the scent of coffee begins to swirl through the air around him. It piques and crawls across his skin, and when his eyes finally focus, Campus Café stands before him.

 

It looks the same as it did earlier in the week: soft, yellow lights still paint the inside and the chalkboard sign declaring holiday drinks still sits outside the door.

Through the windows, Christian can see some students once again perched amongst the sofas, armchairs, and tables, but Christian’s eyes are drawn to the counter. Standing behind it is a now familiar head of blond hair and bright blue eyes.

 

Felix is talking to a customer, his hands gesturing a bit wildly around his head, a wide smile plastered across his cheeks. Christian’s not sure how long he stands frozen in that spot, eyes tracking every move and colourful expression change, but laughter prickles his ears and draws Christian back to reality. He watches the group of giggling students make their way into the library before making his way across the road and into the café.

 

The customer Felix had been speaking to before has moved on, so his eyes are right on Christian as the taller boy pushes through the door. Christian’s steps almost falter and he hopes the way his breath hitches in his lungs and his heart stutters over a beat isn’t audible. He’s pretty sure the blush that creeps up under his collar at Felix’s slow smile is definitely noticeable.

 

“Welcome back!” Felix’ bright voice greets.

 

Christian smiles sheepishly and sidles up to the counter.

 

“The gingerbread spiced latte was really good.”

 

“They’re my favourite for a reason,” Felix says, grabbing a cup and the sharpie. “So another gingerbread spiced latte for ‘uh’?”

 

“Actually it’s um…”

 

“It’s ‘um’?”

 

“No! It’s…” Christian clears his throat. “It’s Christian.”

 

“Christian…” Felix says slowly before nodding and scribbling the name on the cup before turning away to prepare the drink.

 

When Felix returns, the bright smile has returned. Christian tries not to stare at the way Felix’s lips curl.

 

(He doesn’t succeed.)

 

“Gingerbread spiced latte for Christian.”

 

“Thanks,” Christian says, digging out his wallet.

 

He hands over the correct amount and takes the drink, offering Felix one last shy smile before peeling away from the counter.

Instead of heading back out into the cold, Christian makes his way over to one of the small tables by the window. He pulls out his laptop, notebook, and a pen from his messenger back, arranging them across the wooden surface.

 

Christian’s always preferred to sit by the window as he loves to watch people, but today the people trekking across campus hold little interest for him.

Instead, his eyes slink back towards the counter and the barista standing behind it.

 

Felix has his back turned, his shoulder hunched slightly over the phone in his hands.

Christian finds himself tracking the line of Felix’s body: the curve where his neck meets his shoulder, the dip of his waist. Felix is somehow the combination of hard edges and soft curves, and Christian is mesmerized by it.

It takes almost thirty seconds before Christian is able to force his eyes away and back to his work.

 

With a soft sigh, he takes a sip of his latte and opens up his song writing assignment. His hands hover over the keyboard of his laptop for a moment, and Christian can’t help but let out another sigh. He leans back in his seat and lets his eyes slip closed, trying to will his brain to produce words. It’s been an on-going battle for over a week now, and Christian has to dig his fingers into his temples. He tries to think up a tune, hoping that’ll help, but he keeps drawing up a blank.

 

Suddenly, his brain decides to kick in, but instead of supplying words, it’s images of bright eyes and an even brighter smile. It’s the sound of a lilting voice forming around the simple two syllables of his name.

And before Christian knows it, his fingers are flying across the keyboard.

Christian blinks his eyes open, taking in the words scrawled across his screen.

 

His eyes quickly dance back towards the counter before he ducks his head down to smile.

He tries to bite it down, but it has a mind of its own. As his mind continues to drift and float, the smile grows and happiness bubbles in his stomach.

Christian can’t seem to get the logical side of his brain to kick back into motion. Instead, this aching pull in his heart is drowning it out. It’s settled deep in his chest and leaves warmth crashing through his veins and flooding out any form of rationality.

 

Christian’s not sure he’s ever felt this way, and yet he’s sure he never wants to let this feeling go.

 

\- - -

“Erik, I think I’m in love.”

 

Erik looks over his shoulder from where he’s standing in front of the refrigerator. He gives Christian a quizzical look, glancing down at the plate on the kitchen table.

 

“With the toastie…? Are you sure? I’m pretty sure the bread went off the other day.”

 

“Not with—with Felix! The guy I told you about; who works at Campus Café.”

 

“You mean the guy you’ve spoken all of five words to? You’re in love with him?”

 

“Okay. Maybe not love, but definitely infatuation. But I feel like I could… love him I mean. Like one day. Does that make sense?”

 

Erik closes the refrigerator and leans back against it, a beer in hand. He raises a single eyebrow at Christian, his lips pressed in an unimpressed line.

 

“I can’t explain it, Erik, but there’s just something there. I’ve never been much of a believer in love at first sight and yet…” Christian presses a hand to his chest, like he can physically force down the feelings and ache gnawing away there. “I don’t know.”

 

“Alright. So what’re you going to do about it?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Erik settles into the seat across from Christian at the table. “I mean what’s your plan?”

 

“I was just kind of planning to keep going to the café...?”

 

“Really?”

 

“Um…”

 

“You know what? With your looks, it’ll probably work for you.”

 

Christian just blinks at Erik a few times before just going back to his dinner, but the next morning, despite having the day off from classes, he packs up his messenger bag and makes his way onto campus and to the Campus Café.

 

But as Christian pushes through the doors, he’s greeted with brown eyes instead of the now familiar blue. He tries not to be disappointed, but the sinking feeling claws its way through his chest, leaving icy scars, before settling in his stomach.

 

Somewhere in the far reaches of his mind, he knows he’s being irrational. He knows Felix can’t realistically work every day, that the other boy must have classes. And he can hear Erik’s voice’s laughing about having only spoken five words. And yet something deep between Christian’s ribs twists and turns and yearns. It scrapes at his chest and squeezes at his heart and leaves a sickening coldness inside. Christian has to swallow hard to try and tamper it down.

 

“Welcome to Campus Café!” Not-Felix greets in a chipper voice. “What can I get for you?”

 

Christian considers just turning around and leaving, maybe trying back later, but instead, he convinces his legs to step up to the counter. He really could use the caffeine.

He notes the JULIAN scrawled across Not-Felix’ nametag and tries not to scowl.

 

“Just a gingerbread latte, please,” Christian says, forcing a polite smile.

 

“A great choice,” Julian says, accepting Christian’s cash before grabbing a cup and the sharpie. “Name?”

 

“Christian.”

 

Julian’s hand freezes where he holds the sharpie poised over the cup. His eyes snap back up to Christian, a slightly wild look to them. Christian’s not quite sure what to make of Julian’s expression, but before he can comment, the chipper smile is back.

 

“Coming right up!”

 

Julian whips around to prepare the drink, so Christian shuffles down to the end of the counter to wait. He pulls out his phone, sending a few sad face emojis to Erik before aimlessly scrolling through Instagram.

 

“Here’s your gingerbread spiced latte.”

 

Christian looks up to find Julian staring at him, his eyebrows furrowed. Christian glances around a bit unsure before slowing reaching out to take the proffered drink. “Um thanks?”

 

“Be sure to come again!” Julian says, his smile wide but eyes serious. “Like tomorrow… after two…”

 

Christian pauses mid sip of his drink, sending Julian a quizzical look. He’s about to question the brunet, but Julian scurries away. Christian stands there for a minute, blinking in confusion before shrugging and heading to the table by the window, deciding he should probably still get some work done.

 

\- - -

Despite Julian's odd parting words yesterday, Christian still finds himself pushing through Campus Café’s door. And if he waited an extra hour before leaving his house so he’d arrive at 2:20, no one has to know.

 

Felix has his back to the door, but he turns around at the sound of the jingle. Christian’s sure he imagined it, but he swears he sees Felix’s smile widen. It leaves butterflies fluttering in his stomach and his breath hitching to halt in his lungs.

 

"Welcome to Campus Café. What can I get for you?” Felix says, an almost teasing lilt to his voice.

 

Christian tries to bite it down, but he can’t help the wide smile that pulls at his cheeks as he sidles up to the counter. Felix’s eyes are as bright as ever, and Christian tries not to distract himself by counting the gold flecks hiding in that sea of blue.

 

“Um… a gingerbread spiced latte please,” Christian pushes out.

 

“I think you officially have an addiction. I might have to cut you off.”

 

“Well, it’d be your fault if I do, since you’re the one who suggested the latte.”

 

“That’s the first stage of having a problem, you know: blaming others.”

 

“I thought the first stage was denial?”

 

“So you accept you have a problem?”

 

“Acceptance is definitely the final stage, and I don’t think I’m there yet. I’ll probably have to go to gingerbread spiced latte anonymous first.”

 

That startles a laugh out of Felix. It’s as bright as the rest of the boy, the melodious sound bouncing around Christian’s skull until it’s the only thing on his mind.

He notes the way Felix’s eyes crinkle, the way he clutches one hand to his stomach as each laugh falls past his lips.

 

Christian isn’t sure if his heart is still beating, but he knows he’d give anything to hear that sound again and again.

 

“Gingerbread spiced latte anonymous,” Felix says, one last giggle spilling out. “That’s a good one.”

 

Somewhere in the far reaches of his mind, Christian is aware he is frozen in his spot, but he’s not sure he can breathe, let alone speak. He has to swallow hard before he can even think of finding his voice again, his brain playing an audio and visual loop. He’s not sure how long passes before he finally opens his mouth, but then Felix beats him to it.

 

“Sorry,” Felix says, delicate fingers reaching up to the strands of his fringe. “I’ll uh get that drink for you.”

 

Felix grabs a cup and turns away, leaving Christian to try and get his breathing and brain back in order. When Felix returns, Christian tries to hand over the money for the latte. It’s a bit of an awkward fumble between the two, and their fingers brush before the exchange is done.

 

Christian tries to tell himself he imagined the spark there, that it’s probably just the dry winter air. That doesn’t stop his heart from giving an unfair clench or his brain from zeroing in on that small point of contact. It doesn’t stop the way his fingers tingle, spreading warmth and goose pimples up his arm.

 

“Thanks,” Christian mumbles, cradling the cup in his hands.

 

“Any time.”

 

A minute of silence passes over them. Christian desperately tries to grasp at something to say, something to keep those eyes on him, something to keep hearing that voice. He tries to think of a joke, so he can be graced with Felix’s laugh again. And yet his brain is failing him, shutting down when he needs it most.

 

The jingle of the bell above the door draws both their attention away, two girls entering into the café.

Felix quickly moves to greet them while Christian resigns himself to the table by the window. He pulls out his papers and laptop, but his focus is on the sounds of Felix’s voice dancing across the air. It seems to swirl and blanket him, leaving him wanting more. His fingers itch for the guitar tucked away in his bedroom, to try and recreate the music of Felix’s laughter.

Instead, he settles for pulling out his music theory notes and dives right in with a sigh.

 

\- - -

It takes a little over a week, but Christian thinks he’s finally got Felix’s work schedule at Campus Café down. He learns when the barista has the day off or works the evening due to classes.

Erik rolls his eyes at him whenever he leaves the house or comes home late, but Christian doesn’t care. He pushes through the doors of Campus Café with a wide smile every time. And every time, he’s greeted with an equally wide smile from Felix.

 

Each time, Christian orders a gingerbread-spiced latte, and he and Felix exchange some small talk.

It’s not much, but it’s still the best part of Christian’s day. Sometimes, when his lectures are particularly droning or his workload is especially stressing, he’ll remember his scheduled latte at a certain Campus Café. It always releases whatever knot of tension has built up, leaving him breathing easy again.

 

Even if desire for more tries to creep in from the back of his mind, tries to claw its way through his heart, Christian still goes to sleep every night feeling light and happy.

 

\- - -

“So what do you study?”

 

Christian looks up from his laptop to find Felix sliding into the seat across from him. Christian’s sitting in his now usual seat by the window, finally making some progress on his song writing assignment.

He blinks a few times, watching as Felix sets a water bottle and a packaged sandwich on the table in front of him. Christian can’t help but glance back towards the counter confused before his eyes settle back on Felix.

 

"Um… are you supposed to be eating the café’s food?” is what falls past his lips, and Christian has to hold in his groan.

 

He had really thought he got over his lack of brain to mouth filter when it came to Felix.

Felix quickly darts his eyes to the left and then the right before he leans across the table towards Christian. He beckons Christian forwards with a crooked finger, and Christian leans in too. He can feel the hairs on the back of his neck prickle at being a breath away from Felix, knows he would only have to lean an inch closer for their lips to meet. He holds his breath, eyes trapped in the clear blue of the barista’s. There’s a glint hidden there, and it’s mesmerizing.

 

“It’s called a break, Christian,” Felix whispers, his tone conspiratorial.

 

Christian can feel heat creep up his neck and settle in his cheeks, but it’s soothed by Felix’ teasing smile. The sight pulls a smile across Christian’s own face.

 

Felix settles back into his chair and opens his sandwich. "You never answered my question."

 

“Oh. I study music,” Christian says, shutting his laptop to focus solely on Felix.

 

“Really? So do you play an instruments?” Felix asks, taking a bite of his sandwich.

 

“I mostly play guitar and some piano,” Christian says, fiddling a bit with the hem of his hoodie, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

 

“That’s cool. I played a bit of piano when I was younger, but I’m really rusty now.”

 

“I bet you’re amazing.”

 

“You haven’t even heard me play.”

 

Christian shrugs, settling his lip between his teeth to try and clamp down on his smile. He’s sure his eyes are hiding nothing, but Felix’s are dancing with mirth, so he lets it go.

 

“You’re full of shit, you know that?” Felix teases.

 

“Technically I’m full of gingerbread spiced latte,” Christian retorts, taking a sip of his drink to prove his point.

 

Felix lets out a laugh at that, pressing the back of his hand against his mouth. The sound leaves warmth pooling in Christian’s chest and the smile across his face taking on a mind of its own.

Christian’s left once again wanting to hear that laugh more, and being the cause of it, just makes the desire stronger. He lets his imagination run wild for a moment before Felix calms down and goes back to his lunch, so Christian brings his mind back to the very real boy sitting in front of him.

 

“So what do you study?” Christian asks.

 

“History. I’ve always been a bit of a history nerd. Especially ancient and medieval.”

 

"Really?”

 

“Oh, yeah. You have no idea.”

 

Felix proceeds to tell Christian about some of his favourite moments in history. Christian has never been a fan of the subject, but it’s hard not to be interested the way Felix talks about it. He finds himself enraptured by the way Felix’s eyes seem to light up even more, the way his expression is so animated. Felix talks with his hands and his voice goes a bit higher when he gets excited, and Christian loves every second of it. He takes mental notes of everything Felix says, locks away everything he’s given in his mind.

 

Their conversation switches to lectures, and Christian can’t help the cackle pulled out of him as Felix recounts a story about one of his crazy professors. Christian adds in comments and titbits from his own classes, but he’s content to just listen to Felix talk.

 

Felix’s break ends too soon for Christian’s liking and he returns behind the counter. Christian tries to go back to his classwork, but his eyes keeping drifting away and stealing glances towards Felix. A few times, Christian swears he can feel eyes on himself as well, and he’s glad Felix can’t see his face as he hides a smile into his shoulder.

 

After an hour, Christian decides he should probably head home, so he packs up his messenger bag. Before he reaches the door, though, he chances a glance back towards Felix and offers the barista a wave goodbye.

 

“See you tomorrow, Christian!” Felix calls.

 

Christian feels like he should be embarrassed that Felix has caught on to his latte schedule, but decides he doesn’t care. The fact that Felix might just look forward to their encounters as much as Christian does just leaves him feeling giddy.

 

\- - -

Campus Café is crowded for once when Christian pushes through the door. There’s a line to the counter and almost all the seats are taken. Christian’s sure he’s never seen it this busy, but he patiently waits his turn before sidling up to greet Felix.

 

The barista’s hair is a bit frazzled from stressed fingers running through it, and his smile is strained and tired, but Christian still thinks Felix takes his breath away.

 

“Hey,” Christian says, offering Felix a smile.

 

“Hey, Christian. Sorry I can’t really chat today. We’re a bit crazy.”

 

“No worries. Just the usual?”

 

Felix nods and turns away to prepare the drink. Christian hands over the money when he returns. Felix’s hand lingers as he hands over the latte. Christian can’t say he minds the warmth of Felix’s fingers brushing against his, and he’s sure Felix needs the moment of peace, no matter how short it may be, before diving back into the chaos. So he lets Felix have it before he gives a small smile and pulls his hand and the latte away.

 

"Good luck, Felix.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

Christian turns and leaves then.

He contemplates finding a spare table before deciding to just head home. It’s not until Christian is about to throw his cup away that he notices the familiar scrawl across it isn’t his name. Instead there are eleven digits and the message ‘ _since we missed our chat_ ’.

 

(Christian’s glad Erik isn’t home yet to make fun of his reaction.)

 

After that, Christian and Felix talk every day.

If they're not seeing each other at Campus Café, they’re texting or snapchatting one another.

And with each passing day, Christian feels like he’s falling a little bit more.

 

It’s an amazing yet terrifying feeling.

It’s somewhere between breathless and finally gulping in fresh air. Between floating and sinking, the water cool but crushing.

He feels weightless but knows the ground is seconds away from meeting him, and Christian doesn’t even care.

With each new fact he learns, his heart clenches, clearing out and leaving space for only _FelixFelixFelix_.

 

He knows it’s too fast; knows that Felix probably only considers him a friend, but this feeling is carved deep into his bones.

He wakes up every morning feeling light, especially when there’s a message waiting for him on his phone, and yet when he goes to sleep, that deep rooted ache settles into his chest, pressing so hard that sometimes Christian feels like he can’t breathe.

 

It doesn’t help that every time he nears Felix, desire claws its way to the front of his mind. It makes his fingers itch when they’re hands are inches apart across the table as they chat during Felix’s break.

It makes goose pimples scatter across his skin when they sit pressed together so Felix can show Christian pictures of his family.

It makes his heart seize every time he hears Felix’s laugh. And it takes every fibre of will power in him not to close the distance and kiss Felix.

After a week of it, Christian thinks he might just go insane if he doesn’t do something.

 

\- - -

Christian fiddles the paper between his fingers.

The corner is curled in from his ministrations, but it doesn’t stop him. He takes a deep breath in and out, the flyer crinkling as his fist clenches lightly. He tries to shake any doubts from his head before pushing through the doors to Campus Café.

 

Felix is standing behind the counter, smile as bright as always. It banishes any lingering negative thoughts from Christian’s mind as he steps up to the counter.

 

“Hey, Christian. Your usual?”

 

“Um… not today.”

 

“You’re finally kicking your gingerbread spiced latte addiction?” Felix teases.

 

Christian tries to laugh, but it falls flat even to his ears.

The strain colouring the tone obvious.

He tries to offer a smile instead, but judging from the concerned expression Felix is wearing, it must come off as more of a grimace.

 

“Everything alright...?”

 

Christian looks down at his hands, his fingers already having picked back up his anxious fidgeting. He swallows hard before bringing his eyes back up to meet Felix’s. He tries to focus on the blue of them, the gentleness and concern lining the irises. Somehow it soothes the frantic beating of his heart.

 

“Um the arts department is having this like gala? I guess? It’s to raise money and um a bunch of students are like showcasing their work and stuff and uh I was wondering if maybe you’d want to go?” Christian stutters out, shoving the flyer forward into Felix’s hands.

 

Felix blinks at Christian a few times before glancing down at the paper in his hands. Seconds of silence pass between them as Felix reads, and that panic from before is back to gnawing its way through Christian’s veins. He tries to tamper it down by clenching his fist, but it does little to help. Finally, Felix looks back up, a slow smile pulling its way across his face.

 

“I’d love to.”

 

Christian fishmouthes, and he’s glad Felix’s eyes dart back to the flyer in his hand, so the barista won’t see.

 

“Are you presenting something too?”

 

“Um yeah… kinda… I guess.”

 

“Then I’ll definitely be there.”

 

Felix smiles as his eyes meet Christian's again, and Christian feels it like a soothing balm over every inch of his skin. It seeps through his pores and settles in his bones, and just like that, everything in Christian relaxes, a genuine smile making its way across his face.

 

“Great,” Christian says, his voice a bit breathless. He clears his throat and tries to get himself back to his senses. “I actually um have to get to rehearsal for the gala though.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Yeah… I’m sorry. I just—”

 

“No! It’s okay. I get it. So I’ll see you Friday, I guess?”

 

“Yeah…”

 

Despite his words, Christian doesn’t move from his rooted spot. His eyes stay stuck to Felix’s until the barista raises an eyebrow after a minute has passed.

Christian watches as his lips part, knows his name is on the tip of Felix’s tongue. He can already feel that all too familiar flush starting to creep up under his skin.

 

“Right,” Christian squeaks out. “Friday.”

 

He turns on his heel and heads towards the door, fleeing any further embarrassment.

 

\- - -

When Friday comes around, Christian is a nervous wreck.

 

Each breath that passes through his lungs catches and stutters. His hands have had a constant tremble since he woke up. And he’s already cut through his lip with all the anxious chewing and biting.

 

Erik has been offering soothing words, but it does little to pacify the loops his mind is running or the sparks jumping in his veins. The most helpful thing Erik does is pour Christian a shot of whiskey.

 

Christian gets ready for the gala on autopilot. He doesn’t even fully remember dressing or packing up his guitar, but suddenly he’s in the large hall of the Arts and Humanities building.

The hall has been decorated in a tasteful black and white theme, tables full of food and drinks pushed off to one end. Projects from the art students line the walls with an aisle of sculptures down the middle. A number of students and teachers are already milling about.

Christian recognises a few from his classes, but he’s only looking for one. His eyes dart back and forth, scanning for a familiar head of blond hair.

 

“He’ll be here,” a voice says behind him, and Christian whips around to find Erik standing there.

 

"How do you know?"

 

Erik rolls his eyes at that. “Trust me. Just focus on your act. Everything will work out fine.”

 

Christian tries to listen to Erik.

He talks with some of his classmates, admires the art, but he can’t help the way his eyes skirt away or glance over his shoulder.

He keeps hoping to find piercing blue staring back at him from across the room.

Instead, a sinking feeling settles in his gut, weighing down his heart. He tries to swallow past it, but its icy claws dig in deep.

Eventually, it comes time for the showcase portion for the night, and Christian moves to the greenroom with the other students presenting. He picks aimlessly at his guitar to keep his mind distracted until finally his name is called. He makes his way onto the makeshift stage and settles onto the stool set out for him. He takes a last deep breath before looking out to the audience.

 

Almost instantly, his eyes meet familiar blue and a soft smile. Christian’s heart seizes for a moment before pumping relief and warmth through his veins like a tidal wave. He feels determination settle into his bones and leans forward into the microphone.

 

“Um hi. I’m Christian Pulisic and this is an original song I wrote.”

 

He starts picking the opening cords of the song, letting the music wash over him and fill him up.

 

“I’ve been wondering just how many more days ‘til I see your face. I don’t quite know just how to fill this space where you used to lie.”

 

Christian knows all eyes are on him, but he only has eyes for Felix. With each lyric that falls past his lips, he tries to convey every emotion, every feeling that’s equally torn him up and smoothed over every crack inside of him.

He lets the words reach out to Felix and hopes his eyes say everything in between. He lays himself bare and hopes Felix will meet him half way.

 

“Now I’m aching and I’m breaking inside. And it’s all because of you. It’s all because of you. I fall because of you. And I’m all because of you.”

 

When he finishes the song, there’s applause from the whole crowd. Christian can’t help but duck his head at the praise before slipping back to the greenroom as the next act enters. He tucks his guitar safely away in its case before heading back out to the main hall. Felix is waiting from him as soon as he steps through the door, and Christian tries to swallow down the churning feelings storming inside him.

 

“Hey,” he greets. “I didn’t think you were coming.”

 

“Sorry,” Felix says. “I was supposed to get off in time, but then my stupid manager wanted me to stay late. Luckily, Julian came to my rescue.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“You were amazing up there.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“Did you really write that song yourself? I didn’t know you were a songwriter too.”

 

“Um yeah. I actually—”

 

Before Christian can finish his thought, a girl Christian recognises as Claire from his music theory class is interrupting them.

 

“You did really great, Christian.”

 

“Oh uh thanks.”

 

Claire gives him a smile and nods before disappearing back towards the crowd gathered around the makeshift stage, but it’s as if the damn has broken, other students coming over to offer Christian congratulation and praise.

 

“Maybe I should leave you to your adoring fans,” Felix teases from Christian’s side.

 

“Actually, did you want to step outside or something?” Christian asks, his bottom lip finding its way between his teeth.

 

“Sure.”

 

They make it to the doors with minimal stoppage from fellow students, stepping out into the cold, winter night. Some time while they were all inside, it’s started to snow, fluffy white flakes falling softly all around. It blankets the world in a quiet glow as a layer of white settles.

 

Both boys stand in comfortable silence, watching the snow continue to float to the ground, but Christian finds his eyes drawn to the boy beside him. Felix’s cheeks have a rosy tinge settled against the tanned skin there, and snowflakes catch in his eyelashes. Everything about him leaves Christian breathless, and in the softness of this perfect winter night, Christian’s sure Felix is the most beautiful person in the world.

 

Felix must feel Christian’s gaze on him because he turns his head with a soft smile splayed across his lips, and suddenly every emotion is bubbling over in Christian’s chest.

 

“I wrote it for you,” Christian blurts out.

 

“What?”

 

“The song. I wrote it for you.”

 

A moment passes between them, and Christian holds his breath as he watches the words sink in and settle across Felix’ face.

 

“Oh.”

 

It’s a simple word, but it crashes over Christian like a bucket of ice water. There’s a clawing in his chest and in his throat, and suddenly Christian wishes there was a hole in the ground to swallow him up. He squeezes his eyes shut tight for a moment before shaking himself back to reality.

 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean to—”

 

Christian turns to head back into the gala, ready to find Erik and leave this embarrassment behind, when a hand around his wrist stops him. His eyes snap to the contact before drawing up to meet Felix’s.

 

"Christian..." Felix says, his voice quiet, almost a whisper. Like he doesn't want to disturb the snow and the night.

 

Felix steps closer then, into Christian’s space. His free hand slowly reaches up, sliding along Christian’s cheek before settling in his hair. Felix’s fingers are cold from the night’s chill but the touch still leaves a trail of fire along Christian’s skin.

 

Felix leans closer, and Christian knows what’s coming, but he still freezes, his breath caught in his throat. He lets his eyes fall shut, and feels Felix press his lips hesitantly to his own.

 

Christian lets his hands settle on Felix’s waist and the movement seems to spur Felix on to press closer. Christian melts into it, kissing back earnestly.

 

Something releases then in Christian’s chest as he stands there kissing Felix.

It’s everything he imagined and so much more.

Felix’s lips are slightly chapped but they’re still soft and wonderful where they slide and slot against Christian’s.

He tastes like spearmint gum and vanilla bean frappuccino, and Christian finds it tantalizing.

Everything about the boy pressed against him is amazing and everything he could ever need, and Christian’s heart feels too full to ever want to stop or let go.

 

The snow still falls around them; Christian can feel flakes sliding past the collar of his jacket and down his neck, but he doesn’t care. Nothing could ever ruin this perfect moment.

 

\- - -

Christian pushes through the doors of Campus Café, the bell above giving its familiar jingle. The weather has finally started to warm up outside, winter melting away to spring.

 

It leaves heat trickling at Christian’s back as he steps inside. He still remembers that first time, and yet the café isn’t all that different. The sun’s rays still soak the café in a warm glow.

The smell of coffee still permeates the air.

 

And a bright smile still greets Christian from behind the counter. But now, Christian knows that the soft edges to that smile and the fondness dancing in those too blue eyes are meant just for him, and suddenly, the warmth isn’t just outside.

It swells inside his chest until its only release is the wide smile pulled across his face.

Felix holds out a coffee cup.

 

“Gingerbread spiced latte for Felix’s boyfriend.”

 

Christian’s smile only seems to grow.

He takes the proffered cup before leaning over the counter and pressing a kiss to Felix’s cheek.

 

(Maybe he’d be writing a letter to the Dean thanking her after all.)

 


End file.
